08.01.2020

Often people make the same fatal mistake in a relationship. As soon as they meet a worthy person who shows at least a little interest in them, they start immediately sharing their ins and outs. Both young and mature people do that from time to time. However, the worst thing is that over time, such behavior results in obsession and constant demands. A clingy person tries to control everything and make people do in accordance with their “right” opinion.

Naturally, when two people have been living together for several years, they become close. It is not difficult for them to do something pleasant for each other, but they come to this through the thorny years of a long life together. And even such intimacy and harmonious relationships are achieved only if both partners respect each other’s personal space, and they are wise enough to stay beloved partners instead of turning into just “close relatives.” So, it’s necessary to understand the fine line between being clingy in a relationship and being caring to avoid unpleasant consequences and co-dependency.

clingy girlfriend

What's Clingy in a Relationship?

The life of each person is their private area, and everyone decides how to live it and whether to find a woman online or not. No matter how one is building it, almost everyone wants a reliable person next to them. Loneliness ceases to satisfy and please over time, but it has rather a harmful impact on a person. A lonely person is always pleased when they meet someone who shows a sincere interest in them. However, when it turns out that a person who seemed to be a worthy potential partner, is just a clingy girlfriend or boyfriend, one can feel disappointment mixed with other awkward feelings.

To understand the definition of clingy in a relationship, it’s necessary to review signs of clingy behavior. We will do that a bit later, and now let’s look at the situation, which illustrates how a partner can easily be clingy in a relationship.

“Your beloved partner is sick. They have caught a cold, nothing serious. However, you want to make them feel better as much as possible, and therefore, you try to surround your loved one with your excessive care. You keep asking whether their head hurts, whether they need something, whether you should go to a pharmacy or cook chicken stock. You are doing everything well-intentioned, but at some point, you see that your partner begins to get annoyed, and even tells you something like, “Will you leave me alone today or not?” It offends you, you want to help, but they don’t appreciate your attention and care. Don’t rush to resent. You might be really wrong and overdo with your actions. Most likely, you have just crossed the fine line and become a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend.”

At first glance, it seems that it is almost impossible to identify this line. It is barely distinguishable: there is nothing easier than to turn into an obsessive fly that everyone will want to wave off. However, if you really want to be sympathetic and caring, you will have to understand when your attentiveness is excessive and only alienates your beloved partner from you. This should be done at least to avoid unnecessary quarrels and insults. Sometimes people become so paranoid in their relationships that their control goes beyond all reasonable boundaries. However, everyone needs their personal space to feel free and happy, and at one point or another, relationships in which such things are absent, just become toxic and turn into “past relationships” over time.

7 Signs of Clingy Behavior in a Relationship

Now when you already know that clingy meaning includes many different courses of conduct which violate the person’s private space in one way or another, let’s take a closer look at the most frequent situations which become the reasons for outrage, tantrums and even breakups. Sometimes, when people fall in love with someone special, they are afraid to lose that person so much that they start behaving inadequately, only making the situation worse.

Besides, for many people, a potential partner is not just an interesting person, but the current solution to all problems. Of course, this is not necessarily about pure pragmatism: perhaps the new love affair promises you an imaginary deliverance from complexes because many people believe that the presence of a partner in their lives is the proof of their attractiveness, maturity, and successfulness.

what's clingy in a relationship1. Suppression of will

If you try to make someone do something against their will and even accompany it with a hair-splitting attitude, then you can be called a clingy person. Some men allow themselves to put pressure on ladies even at the first meeting. They follow the rule: if a woman says no, then that means yes. They don’t even think that the motive for refusal may be completely different. Perhaps the girl is not against a date, but the time, place or name of the movie confuses her. The same applies to young ladies who insist on meetings in expensive restaurants or offer gentlemen to go shopping with them. So, one of the signs of being clingy is when you impose your opinion, even not trying to find out what another person wants.

2. Too many messages and calls

In the age of information technology, people are in touch with each other 24 hours and 7 days a week. Therefore, it often seems to us that if we have just sent a message, then we should get the answer immediately. But, the fact that you have not got a reply in the next few minutes, is not a reason to send numerous messages with questions in all possible social networks and instant messengers. Moreover, such behavior will not save you from ignoring, but rather cause irritation and unwillingness to continue communication with you. So, you send too many messages, call pretty often and, in general, try to get a partner in every possible way, then you really have problems. You should better learn how to be less clingy in a relationship, otherwise, such behavior can result in a breakup.

3. Rejection of your life

Often, people focus on a partner because they don’t lead full lives. It is easier to plunge into love than to solve numerous personal problems. A partner can be an alternative to creative self-realization for you. For many people, a relationship is a way to start everything from scratch, and love for them is a kind of medicine with a placebo effect. Having taken it, they forget about the difficulties because they are overwhelmed with emotions that overshadow the negative feelings. As a result, problems do not go anywhere, but new ones arise. A partner, as a rule, refuses to take on the role of such a “switch.”

So, you live from call to call, from meeting to meeting. You are offended that they can easily eat, drink and work, not thinking about you every moment.

4. Guards' behavior

If a girl refuses some assistance or doesn't want the guy to see her off or meet her, then he should not impose himself. The same can be said about regular shifts near the apartment or workplace. You are not a mad fan of some superstar who is ready to follow their idol around the clock. It is one thing when you are already quite close in communication, and such behavior pleases your partner, and it’s another thing to behave as if you are their security guard or stalker. What is this if not an obsession? You are extremely clingy, and such behavior can even scary the person away.

5. Control

You are a strong personality, and you control almost everything in your life. For example, the amount of money in your account depends on your actions, and you can only rely on yourself in everyday life. However, this law does not work in love because it is connected with the will of another person, which you cannot control. You cannot make a person act according to your scenario and stay in a healthy relationship. Nonetheless, for some reason, you do not accept this fact. It seems that the more energy you spend, the more successful your personal life will be as if it is a big business project. A person begins to distance themselves from you because they don’t like your control over their plans, choices, and actions.

6. Strong desire to be needed

Another reason why you can be clingy in the relationships is the desire or even a strong necessity to be needed by the beloved partner. You want to feel your worth, you want a person to take your opinion into account and even make it a priority, but your actions scare away the closest and dearest people. If you are sure that you know better what your partner should wear, with whom they should make friends and what films you should watch together, then it's not surprising that one day you will find yourself searching on the Internet something like, “What's clingy in a relationship?”

7. Desire to please everyone

Sometimes, taking care of a partner is just a cover for the desire to make you feel better about yourself and soothe your ego. Nonetheless, you have such a strong desire to be good for others that you are ready to help them at any time and fifty times a day, be interested in their well-being, become a shoulder to cry on, and you literally give them the third degree to find out what’s wrong with their mood and what’s happened at work. It is not surprising that a person who doesn’t feel well or who has just quarreled with their boss doesn't appreciate your clingy attitude and may even ask to leave them alone. Everything should be in moderation, even care.

Reasons for Being Clingy in a Relationship

It goes without saying that a clingy person doesn’t realize that they are clingy. Usually, people don’t notice such things and pay attention to their other “bad sides.” Nonetheless, you face what you face. being clingy in a relationshipAll the deeds of a clingy person are aimed at breaking through or pushing through the partner’s personal boundaries, or they try to solve their problems at the expense of the partner. This is exactly why clingy people annoy so much. Many people just don’t know how to not be clingy or behave this way due to certain causes. Let’s consider the most common reasons why people are clingy in relationships.

Lack of experience

The first thing that comes to mind is a lack of experience. Many people don’t have enough experience in such important things as relationships, and they just don’t know how to behave right. They believe that excessive attention or care is good, and there is nothing wrong with it. Besides, a few people understand what the personal boundaries are, so it’s very easy to start violating them even without realizing that they are overdoing.

Unreasonable secrets

Someone is more secretive, while others show everything openly and don’t mind if partners find out certain private information. Everyone is different. And some people believe that their partners are keeping secrets and hide certain information that they should necessarily find out. When such thoughts appear in their heads, they start behaving clingy and even a bit weirdly, annoying their partners and making them distance themselves.

Betrayals and cheating in past relationships

As they say, “Once bitten, twice shy.” And people who have got through such unpleasant moments in their past relationships, can behave strangely and be clingy from time to time. They are afraid that such a situation can happen again, and they want to make sure that their new partners don’t cheat on them. So, they are checking every step and try to control literally everything to avoid such a situation again. Of course, a new partner is not to blame for their ex-partner’s sins, but it's very difficult for such a person to start completely trusting again.

Immaturity

When you are young, careless and deeply in love with a partner, it’s easy to become clingy because you have a huge desire to spend every second with that person, share joys and sorrows and well as try to satisfy all their needs. Immature young people are ready to disappear into another person even though the partner doesn’t need those sacrifices. Besides, immature people can suffer from low self-esteem that makes them doubt their own value in the eyes’ of their partner, that’s why they can try to do everything possible to please them and “earn” their love, even though, in fact, they are just clingy and make the situation worse.

How to be less clingy in a relationship

Romantic love leads to the fact that many people become slightly clingy with the desire to spend too much time with each other. However, immersion in relationships so much can soon exceed the permissible amount of concerns. If you become too close to each other emotionally, it is not difficult to guess that the man or woman with whom you are in a relationship will feel the same needs and desires. This can often be intimidating for your partner, especially if your feelings have become intrusive, and you are clingy. To avoid accidental pressure on the ideal potential partner, you should control your emotions to restore balance and learn how to not be clingy in a relationship.

Be as sincere as possible

On the Internet, you can find numerous message templates for all occasions. This is something you need to avoid because you will hardly be original if you send hackneyed messages that your potential partner may have got more than a dozen times in life. Besides, questions like, “Why don't you write to me?” “Don't want to talk to me?” are a failed idea. These phrases sound aggressive and cause a huge desire to ignore them. Nothing wrong with just asking, “How are you?” It can become a good conversation starter if you cannot come up with anything original.

how to not be clingy in a relationshipLimit your obsession

Clingy behavior in a romantic relationship, as a rule, is associated with constant concern for a beloved one, the desire to be with a partner all the time and hang out constantly together. A romantic obsession can force you to feel that the object of your adoration needs you just as much as you need them. As a result, you invade all spheres of their life, offering your advice, support and help, although there are no signs that they are all useful, or want to be heard. Sometimes, obsession is just another side of jealousy, and in this case, you are trying to understand the character of a loved one, being constantly nearby.

Do not forget about your hobby and friends

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you should keep a balance, not constant being together. The couple must have personal time to do what they want. Besides, time away from each other helps set boundaries, which your partner should not violate. How to stop being clingy in a relationship? Think about your true desires and catch the moment each time when you hang out with friends and relatives or devote time to your old hobbies that you have abandoned. Your partner should do the same. This is an easy way to show them that you know your self-worth and can do easily without them. So, you can agree on having your “private time” when you can do whatever you want without any participation of your partner.

Know when it’s time to stop

A body language can tell you a lot about a person, and such knowledge will help you determine when they are feeling a bit overwhelmed or annoyed by too much time spent together. This may be a lack of eye contact, refusal to hug or unusual touch. Besides, you can hear sighs, murmurs, or the sounds of ridicule when you offer to do something together again. Do not immediately think about the worst but pay attention to such things. Ask what happened and be calm when you listen to the reply. Listen carefully to what your beloved one is explaining and listen to what they do not say out loud. Everything should be clear enough if this is a matter of desire for personal time. Try to show a desire to find a way out, but do not delve into the issue too deeply.

Do not constantly call, write or control your partner

When you are obsessed and send messages all day long, checking your partner, you turn their life into a prison. It’s normal to call once and find out how they are doing, but if you call every two hours, it can strengthen their conviction that nothing else is happening in your life, and, of course, you don’t have anything to do. If this becomes clear to your partner, they will stop perceiving you as an interesting and smart person. Don’t improve your confidence at the expense of the partner. So, how to not be so clingy in a relationship? Turn off your phone and find something to do. Go for a walk, visit someone, take a nap, go to the gym or learn something new. Lack of trust combined with an obsession can make you keep track of your lover. Nothing is more likely to scare them away from you than this kind of behavior.

Your Time Together Should Be Quality

Very often, we are afraid to show feelings because we are not always sure that another person needs them, and due to that fears, we miss the chance to become closer to the one we care about and find our happiness. However, sometimes, we can overdo with our care and attention and look clingy. We want to spend literally every minute with a dear person. In such a case, you should remember that the time spent together must be quality, not measured in quantity. You should use the time together with pleasure for both of you. What do you choose: 9 hours of ordinary time with a partner or 3 hours of amazing pastime?

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