If you’re entering the dating game, whether for the first time or after a long break, you may be wondering: what are the bases in dating?

So much has changed about how dating and relationships are carried out in just the last 5 years! Do the “bases” even mean what they used to?

Many feel confused about relationship rules and boundaries anymore, and honestly, most “rules” or standards have been thrown out the window, at least here in the U.S. Now, it tends to be all about what each individual wants for him or herself, rather than universally accepted practices.

And just like relationship standards, the old metaphor regarding bases in a relationship has changed, too.

What is meant by “Bases” in dating? 

These days, this metaphor has morphed so much that it actually now has two very different interpretations/meanings:

• Physical Activity: The first and original use of the metaphor referred to the physical activities you and your partner engaged in. 
  
  In this case, “bases” are used purely to mean specific physical or sexual exploits in the relationship. Be aware - this metaphor is a bit outdated and can often come across as callous and shallow. 
  
  However, it’s also a way to communicate with a potential partner about how far you’ve been or are interested in going physically, without having to be explicit. 
  
  And, let’s face it, just about everyone in the States vaguely knows the bases. 
  
  Thus, it’s still helpful to understand the metaphor, even if it is a bit outdated. We’ll cover it further in a moment.
   
• Relationship Development: The second and newer use of the metaphor of relationship bases focuses on representing the emotional and relational levels, or steps, you have achieved in your relationship. It’s used to signify how serious you’re relationship has become.
  
  While physical intimacy is one of these “bases,” in this case, the overall metaphor represents the steps required to develop a deep, healthy romantic relationship with another person that can last a lifetime.  

So, let’s take a look at both the old and the new metaphor of the bases of dating so that you’re thoroughly prepared to enter the game. 

The 4 Bases of Dating: The Original Metaphor

The original metaphor of bases in dating came from America’s great past-time: baseball. 

In the game of baseball, a player has to hit the ball, then tag each base (a total of three) before he can run to home plate (the fourth base) and score a point for the team. 

When used to refer to the game of dating, each base represents a specific physical activity, progressively getting more intense and intimate, till the home plate, or score: full sexual intercourse. 

First Base

First base in dating represents those early, pretty benign but fun physical interactions people might engage in on the first or second good date. 

Typically, if someone says they “made it to first base,” the assumption is that they and their date engaged in kissing, probably open-mouthed or “French” kissing. 

However, some people associate things like cuddling, holding hands, and any kind of light kissing as first base as well. But the most traditional use of the metaphor meant kissing. 

Second Base

Second base is a fairly serious level up on physical interaction. If a couple proceeds to second base, that typically means they’re touching above the waste, specifically the breast and chest, including nipples. 

It’s debated whether this means above the clothes only, or if this includes touching beneath the clothes. Either way, things are getting intimate, and things are heating up. 

Third Base

If second base saw things heating up, third base takes a couple to a steamy hot danger zone. 

Third base connotes touching each other’s genital areas beneath the waist and beneath the clothes. This base, or step, can include oral as well as hand stimulation, and can be performed by just one or both partners.

If a couple is here, they’re engaging in seriously heavy petting (and panting) and are in the “danger zone” – not much else to go except full-blown, penetrative intercourse.  

Fourth Base / Home Plate 

Which brings us to the fourth base or home plate. Reaching this base, which can also be referred to as “hitting a home run,” means there has been full penetration and sexual intercourse. 

Problems With this Metaphor

Alright, so now, you know generally what is meant by getting to each of these different bases, so if you hear someone mention it, you’ll know what they mean. 

However, there are some problems with this metaphor:

• First, and fairly obvious – when these terms are tossed around flippantly by someone bragging about their sexual exploits with another person, it’s incredibly insensitive. 
  
  It turns something extremely intimate and passionate into a shallow game. It dehumanizes one of the most personal acts. It’s a bit of a prick move, honestly. So, be careful if and how you use the metaphor.  
   
• Second, let’s say you are a bit shy about talking about physicality in your relationship (natural), and so you simply want to use the metaphor to help break the ice and communicate clearly with your partner about expectations and comfort level (important). 
  
  The trouble is that some define some of the bases differently. First base may mean French kissing and heavy make out sessions for one person, and simple hand holding and pecks on the lips to another. Second base may be above clothes only to one, while to another it means skin to skin contact up top. And the risk and damage of miscommunication only increases the further you progress.
   
• Third, this isn’t baseball! 

In the game, the goal is to run the bases and score as fast as possible. But this isn’t a game! It’s two human beings becoming extremely vulnerable with each other. 

So, remember, just because you reach 2nd base doesn’t mean your partner is ready to go to 3rd, or that you should feel pressure to progress faster than you want. Take your time, pay attention to your partner, and speak up. 

Should We Even Use these Bases in Dating?

Here’s the thing – it’s helpful to understand the original metaphor. Tons of American movies and songs refer to it, kids still use the terms, and you don’t want to be out of the loop. 

And it can be a helpful way to break the ice and begin communicating with a partner about your comfort level and interest. 

But here’s the bottom line: you have to communicate clearly and, yes, be specific with your partner about what you are comfortable and not comfortable with. 

Yes, pay attention to body language and read the cues in the moment, but you should also probably talk about these things before you go too far. Ask permission and/or check in before progressing OR speak up if you’re not comfortable and want to stop. We know that seems awkward, but it’s important for everyone involved to stay safe and happy. 

Some people are comfortable with casual sexual encounters and race through the bases. Others take their time and don’t even know yet for themselves what they will be comfortable with. Respect each person you are with and respect yourself by speaking up. 

What are the 10 Bases in a Relationship? 

So, that covers the original baseball metaphor of running the bases in a physical, sexual way. 

But what about this newer use of the base metaphor that has more to do with the development within an actual relationship? 

The 4 bases of physical interaction can happen between two strangers having a one-night-stand; the individuals may never form an actual relationship. 

But the newer use and expansion of the metaphor, often referred to as the 10 bases in a relationship, refer to the actual development of a real relationship between two people, whether or not anything sexual or physical has yet occurred. 

So, what are the bases in a relationship and are they helpful? We’ll give you a quick overview, then take a deep dive: 

 That gives you a quick birds’ eye-view. But following are the details of each base and what it means to achieve it:  

Trust building

This is the early stage of a new relationship – perhaps you’re not even calling it a relationship yet. 

At this point, you’re just starting to grow confidence in one another as you get to know each other. Do you keep your word? Are you sincere? Are you reliable? Can you keep personal information to yourself?

As you spend more time together, you begin to trust each other more and learn that you can rely on this other person. Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. Relationships cannot become truly intimate and deep if there is no trust. 

Supporting each other 

As you grow in trust, you begin to offer support to each other. This may just be in the form of being a good listener and sharing encouragement when the other has a bad day or faces disappointment, or maybe in practical help to accomplish some goal or meet some need. 

In whatever form(s) it takes, you are learning you can rely on this person to be there for you, and you want to be there for them to. 

Developing friendship

This is a key step into truly lasting love relationships that too many couples neglect in their romance life. 

To connect with someone deeply, and light a flame that will burn and last, you need more than a spark. You need real friendship. 

As you learn about each other and begin to rely on each other, you start sharing more of yourself with this person and doing more with them. Now it’s not just about dates, it’s about life. 

You begin to bond over shared hobbies, interests, and preferences, and you become actual friends. If a relationship is going to last, friendship needs to be at its core, and you should seek to develop it if you’re looking for a long-lasting romance.  

Being vulnerable

This is a very important step and sign that the relationship really is becoming serious. 

When one, hopefully both, of you truly opens up ad exposes the things they feel insecure about, past hurts and failures – that means there is a safety and space in the relationship to do so. 

If the relationship has been building well on the previous three steps, then this should happen naturally and you will feel safe and natural in the process – you may even confess something you have never admitted to anyone else before without even meaning to – that means you feel safe, and that’s good. 

A healthy relationship allows both people to be real and raw – to be vulnerable and know confidently that they will still be heard, loved, appreciated, and supported. 

Becoming physical 

While culture seems to be blurring lines and becoming increasingly unsure about when sex and physical intimacy is appropriate, it:

1. Should ALWAYS be consensual on each side
2. Is, we think, best when placed in the context of a healthily developing relationship.

If you have learned you can trust each other, support each other through hard times, have a genuine, deep connection and friendship, and can be real and vulnerable with each other, then becoming physically vulnerable through intimacy is often a next step. 

Physical intimacy opens the door to a new level in the relationship, strengthening bonds and connection. For many, it means the relationship has become very serious. 

Again, any level of physical contact should be consensual, and you need to be able to communicate honestly and openly with each other about your boundaries and comfort zone in this arena. 

Relationships, like the individuals making them up, are unique. And beliefs, past experiences, and values will all impact when physical intimacy may be viewed as acceptable. It’s okay if your relationship goes at a different pace, just as long as you and your partner can talk about it freely and get on the same page. 

Navigating disagreements

Many make the wrong assumption that true love means you never argue. On the contrary, the ability to be honest enough to have disagreements, and loving and forgiving enough to navigate them, is the true sign of a healthy relationship. 

Navigating disagreements is a natural part of any real relationship, no matter how good. People are only willing to be honest and risk conflict if there’s real concern and a sense of safety to be honest. It’s not a bad sign. 

So, don’t worry when you have your first fight. Instead, focus on all the steps that have gotten you this far, and use the tools and love you’ve developed to fight for your relationship and work it out. You’ve become a team – stand together. This is the love that lasts. 

Boundary setting 

At this point in the relationship, you’re spending a lot of time together, you’ve gone through the initial “falling in love” and infatuation, and now you’re settling into deep, trusting love and relationship. 

This is now the time where you remember (as you ought) that you are still individuals. Setting healthy boundaries for personal space and still maintaining other friendships and activities outside of your relationship is good here.

Be honest. Communicate boldly and clearly with your partner about what you need. You should be secure enough in each other’s love and be able to respect each other’s needs and interests and allow for life outside of each other. 

Planning 

If you and your partner have made it through the previous 7 bases, it’s pretty serious. At this point, you’ve gone through a lot and developed an intimate bond. 

No doubt, you’re beginning to think about the future with the other person in it – or your not. This is a major turning point or possible ending point for a relationship. 

For a couple who has gone through so much, it will be natural to start planning their future with and around the other person. It’s time to be very honest with your partner, confiding in them your hopes for the future and what that looks like. 

At this point, your deciding whether there will be a “together forever” or not and what that involves. 

Encouraging independence

At this stage, you’re both so comfortable and confident in your relationship that you don’t need to have everything in common. 

Instead, you can (and should) encourage each other to pursue personal growth, care, and aspirations. This keeps each person and the relationship ever-changing and developing, keeping things interesting and fresh as well.

Embracing independence and encouraging personal development is best for both individuals and the relationship as a whole, as it helps to ensure the health and well-being of the individuals, and prevents boredom within the relationship.  

Standing together

For the couples that make it this far, they’ve made it well past friends and lovers. They’ve stuck through life’s hardest challenges and ups and downs together. 

They are committed to each other no matter what – they have become the ultimate team, true soulmates. They have become each other’s home and safe space, and as long as they have each other, they have all they need. 

This is a sweet spot and an uncommon one. Many couples, perhaps most, might not make it this far. It’s a true privilege and it is hard won, but one of life’s greatest treasures. 

To reach this base, it takes two individuals who are each 100% committed to the relationship, willing to listen, empathize, support, forgive, sacrifice, and fight for each other. A one sided relationship cannot make it this far. 

Are these Bases Important to Follow? 

While every relationship will be unique – as unique as the combination of the two unique individuals making it up – these elements are important ones for every healthy and promising relationship. 

Everyone will progress through the steps at varying paces – some very slowly, some rather quickly. Some may swap the order of the steps around, for better or worse (we know that many have no problem engaging in sexual interaction early on, while others wait).  

The important part will be that you communicate openly and honestly with your partner about how you’re feeling about your relationship, and what hopes you have for it. Also be honest about your comfort levels regarding your physical intimacy.

No healthy relationship can develop from dishonesty and a failure to communicate. 

So, these are the bases of a relationship and dating. If you’re hoping to develop a true, lasting relationship with someone, then we definitely encourage you to talk to your partner about these 10 bases. 

Ready to Jump 4 Love? 

If you desire to find a soulmate, someone to walk the bases with, then consider joining our dating platform, Jump 4 Love. 

We use advanced matching algorithms to help identify who you would be most compatible with and have a large pool of lovely ladies interested in finding their match. Visit Jump4Love.com today to learn more.