06.08.2019

Narcissists are the heroes of our time. The strength of their charm and attraction turns them into a magnet for us, but those relations become very toxic. Sooner or later you will be disappointed, it is inevitable. So why are they so attractive to us? Social networks are the best tools for narcissists to show off. Because on your page you can show exactly what you want. You can create an image that may not resemble reality at all.

Sometimes we are so immersed in our thoughts that we don't notice anything around. And when suddenly a single woman attracts our attention we may forget about all our worries and literally can't tear ourselves away from her. The study shows that people are drawn to narcissists because they are charismatic and charming. Narcissists are rich on compliments; they know how to organize fancy dinners and may flood you with generous gifts. But on your dates, you may notice that he or she always talks about themselves. A narcissist prioritizes his or her needs over yours and is super sensitive to any form of criticism. They are obsessed with their status. It is almost impossible to build a healthy relationship with such a person. So, how to spot a narcissist? Many signs allow you to see a narcissist from far away and never let him or her into your life. Let's try to highlight the main signs that you're dating a narcissist.

how to know you're dating a narcissist

General signs of a narcissist

They are persistent, but not for long

Your new boyfriend or girlfriend who texted you nonstop and told you how she or he loves you suddenly begins to become colder to you? This may be the first sign. It becomes even worse, the narcissists may look to you way more attractive than someone who really loves and needs you. Narcissists are motivated to get you as their trophy, while someone who loves you wants to know what kind of person you are. Relations with narcissists always start well but rarely make you happy in the long run.

Your feelings are not important

Narcissists have no idea how it feels to care about someone else’s fillings. Because in the narcissists' world everyone else exists only to serve their personal needs. Your feelings for them are not important at all, you are his or her trophy, a tool that serves to satisfy their needs. We don't care about our toothbrush's feelings, right?

A relationship is not important if you don't look good together

When dating a narcissist, you must know that they don't care about what happens between you two behind the closed doors. The biggest problem in their life is public humiliation. If you bring up in public one of your arguments, then you may end up running home and having a big fight for doing this. They have a standard how your couple should look like and if you are not able to fit in this standard then he or she will think that you are embarrassing them.

You can’t argue with them

There is only one thing that is always true to narcissus: he or she can never be wrong. So, how can you have a normal argument with people who believe that they are always right? You can't. Narcissists are good at hiding this fact. From the beginning, you may not even notice this. But sooner or later you will notice that for them their version of the truth is absolute and unbeatable. Even if you show them proofs they will still find a way to explain to you that you are wrong.

They don't respect any authority

They will never accept the fact that there is someone in this world who is more intelligent than they are. For a narcissist, it is normal to try to challenge those people who occupy higher positions. The best they can do is to consider someone as equal, but no more. You can't dominate narcissists. No matter what it will cost them they will still try to challenge you till they destroy your authority. Therefore, expect all your conversations to be dominated by him or her even if you are talking about you.

how to spot a narcissistA narcissist in love and relationships

Narcissist people are very complex. They are a "surprise box" because you can never know what is going to happen in the next 60 seconds. They consist of paradoxes that are difficult to identify and understand. Nowadays, we face an epidemic of narcissism. Due to the epidemic, contacts with the "infected" people are almost inevitable. We can find narcissists everywhere: at home, at work, on our vacation, etc. The strength of their attractiveness acts like a magnet. So, how to know that you're dating a narcissist?

Because of their vanity, narcissuses prefer to tie up close relationships with people who are generally respected and, in some ways, even exceptional. Their partner must necessarily be handsome, smart, erudite etc. This is explained by the fact that their unhealthy self-esteem requires that the object of their love should certainly be admired by others. But these qualities attract narcissistic people only at the very beginning of a relationship. After a while, what was arousing an admiration for the narcissus will become the object of his or her envy, but they will never admit this. Narcissists don't t accept any, even the most minor flaws in their partner. But at the same time, they cannot calmly relate to their real merits, which is why they suffer incredibly. There can be no healthy relationships with narcissists.

However, some people voluntarily agree to start relations with such a person and there is one explanation for this. Relationships with narcissus are built by people with very low self-esteem. These people no longer hope to evoke admiration and recognition in the eyes of others. Despite selfishness and other aspects of their nature, narcissists have no problems when they want to establish relationships. They can fascinate almost anyone with their imaginary exclusiveness, peculiarity, and attention to the partner, which he or she takes for love. Have you ever asked yourself, "Am I dating a narcissist?” Let’s try to see the main patterns of narcissistic behavior in love and relationships to find it out.

They always blame you

Narcissists love reproaching you for demanding too much from them. Although you may just be asking only for decency and respect. You may have begged a narcissus to do something small for you, and as soon as he or she did this (with a minimum of effort), they start behaving as if they pulled you out of a burning building. They always have "no time" to listen to your "requirements". But you can see that they can do everything for other people if they want to impress them. There is nothing personal, it is just a way to belittle you.

Friends are important

We all need friends, but people with narcissistic personality disorder have a hard time having ones. Narcissists are not able to show empathy; they don't have it at all. This is why they usually have no close friends. Look closely at your friends, if you see that your young couple loses friends, they become colder to you, then you may be living with a narcissist. Narcissists not only struggle to have normal friends by themselves but will also make almost impossible for you to have yours.

Depreciation

Depreciation is the alpha and omega for the narcissists, this is how he or she lives and this is how they breathe and think. Everything that gets into the focus of "value" holds there for seconds. And the rest of the time they devalue it. You may hear from your partner lots of nasty things about his or her former partners, husbands, colleagues, and employers. Everything, literally everything with whom he or she met in life either gorgeous or terrible.

You underestimate yourself

According to what you have read here, you may already understand that your narcissistic partner is not going to make you feel better about yourself. He or she can only make you feel worse about yourself with time. There is nothing personal, it is just the way of a narcissist's life. They will criticize you for small things. All your achievements and deeds are not important to them. In the end, you may start to believe that you deserve all this criticism. This has to be a warning for you.

They are in and they are out

This pattern helps them make you feel addicted to them. They give you a taste of how brilliant your relations can be. You catch that hook and then they threaten you to take it away. This is a vicious circle and it may be infinite. The only way to break this circle is to end your relations. The more time you spend in this circle, the more addicted you become to your partner, the less self-esteem you have.

Tips for dating a narcissist man or woman

In any relationship with a narcissist, always remember: the problem is not in you, but in their offensive, toxic and suppressive behavior. Normal, healthy people never engage in "mind games”. Pay attention to this fact when you meet single ladies.

Dating a narcissist woman is a serious test. If you feel that you want to fight for that person, then you may try to save your relationships. But at the same time, it is necessary to understand all the peculiarities of your partner. Be aware of the danger that by submitting to your partner you will change and there might be no coming back. Therefore, do not forget that all efforts to maintain contact with such a partner should have a limit. You can’t tolerate everything. If you feel that it is impossible to outline acceptable borders for you, you need to go away. The main thing for you to realize when dating a narcissist man or woman is that a narcissist likes to be a narcissist. We cannot change it, no matter how much we want it. We are only the fuel for their fire. Our list of tips is going to be useful if you decide to fight for your relations against all odds.

relationships with narcissistSigns of abuse

Look closely at your relations. A narcissistic person is not always harming his or her partner. But it is crucial for you to be sure that there are no signs of abuse in your relations. If your partner started to abuse you, then there is nothing you can do about it except for leaving. The abuser is the only one who can stop the abusive behavior. So, if you noticed that you are being tormented in your relations, then you should leave.

Measure your contribution

Narcissists usually can’t live without approval from other people. You may become a source if you are the partner who provides this approval to the narcissist. Your partners' hunger for your approval will only grow. Make a pause and evaluate what effect your actions caused on your partner’s behavior. Because it may be you who let this monster of narcissism grow. Make sure that in the future you approve only good actions and condemn bad ones.

Don’t let him or her deny

Narcissistic behavior grows like a weed. It begins with small things. At first, your partner may deny that he or she behaves that way. Usually, it begins with ignoring their faults and behaving as nothing has happened. Or your partner may start to blame other people. Any mean is good for a narcissistic person when they try to hide their issues. Also, your partner may be getting angry when you mention his or her problems. Note, when someone unexpectedly radically denies their behavior, it may be a sure sign that they might change it soon.

Check your emotional reactions

Remember, in relations with a narcissistic person an explosive emotional reaction can never help you. Your girlfriend may post too many pictures on social media or spends too much time answering to some strange comments from other men. Or she spends a lot of time with her male friends and you feel that this is not ok. No matter what kind of situation occurs, you should never show even a sign of an explosive emotion because this creates an opportunity for the narcissist to call your feelings overdramatic. You should never give this powerful tool in the hands of your partner.

Evaluate your partner’s willingness

There is nothing you can do if your partner doesn’t want to change. If you are alone in this fight against narcissism, then the best you can do is surviving in your relations. But if your partner knows that he or she has problems, then you have chances to fix your relations. To find out whether your partner is ready to change or not, you should closely check how you discuss something important. Does your partner seem willing to listen to you? If you see that your partner listens to you, then you should keep fighting for your love.

Set clear boundaries

Narcissistic people are well known for their needs to cross or even destroy your borders. Thus turning you into an obedient slave. You should never let this happen. But how can you defend your borders if there are none? First of all, clearly explain to yourself what is appropriate for you and what is not. Then, the very moment your partner crosses this boundary, start to explain to them why it is not okay for you. This is not going to be easy. But you already know it if you have decided to fight for your relations.

Make a safety plan

If all your efforts were in vain and there is nothing you can do to save you relations, then it is the time for you to leave. Leaving is always hard, especially when you date a narcissistic person why may already have destroyed your self-confidence. This is why you need a plan. Seek outside help, because at first, you will feel lost and empty. You need someone who will be with you during this time. It can be your friends, relatives or someone else you trust.

After all, we all possess some narcissistic qualities. We must accept that we all a little bit self-absorbed. The most important thing is how we express it. Everyone must have self-confidence, ambitions, self-presentation, must know how to easily find common ground with other people, attract them and manage them to help us survive in the modern world. But in a hypertrophied form, possessing these qualities can lead to unpleasant and even destructive consequences.

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