30.07.2018

He once loved a girl who broke his heart, he cannot forget her for a while and is suffering terribly. The common story. When the hormonal burst of the first visits comes to naught, we realize all the advantages and disadvantages of our better half, but we can turn a blind eye to the flaws because we feel a great liking for this person. When the relationship ends, when the period of mutual hatred ends, we suddenly realize that the ex was simply magnificent. God, what cookies she made, how she smiled, how she squinted in the sun, how you had fun sledding last year and how she made love to you ... Damn! What a woman I lost!

If these thoughts are familiar to you (why do I still love my ex, for example), know that you became a victim of the anguish syndrome because of a former partner. We just came up with this term, but this does not deprive it of the right to live. Know that these thoughts will only give you temporary discomfort. Sooner or later they will disappear and you will be surprised how you got into this swamp of memories. If you have any difficulties with this, our article will definitely help you.

why is my ex so mean to me

Why Do Guys Stay in Touch with Ex Girlfriends?

Why do we do this? Why do I dream about my ex years later? Why after the breakup there inevitably comes a period when we begin to praise the ex, remember all the good, and terribly yearn for the old relationship? The very first reason is: a person does not like changes. The hearts of people demand change, but their mind does not want it.

People do not mind cosmetic changes, but they do not like complete changes in the environment, the circle of communication, the place of work and all the more or less large. You need to adapt, you need to act actively, but an unprepared person is too lazy to do it. He wants to return to understandable "minded" relations. So why do I still think about my ex? Because your mind doesn’t want to make any effort and draw a new picture of everyday life.

The second reason is much more complicated. The first, of course, is also not simple and one can write a big article about it, but I will not do this. It's very simple: we do not remember the events of our life in detail. We remember well only the positive changes in our life. I remember well when I was visiting a dad's friend when I was a child and I was shown the first "Prince of Persia" on a monochrome display. I got to the third level, I remember that perfectly. And I absolutely do not remember how I broke the vase (or kettle) given to my mother right on her birthday, although my age was almost the same.

So it happens with the ex: in our mind only good associations come to light, and all bad things go to the background. We remember all the lovely occasions from the common life, we recall the pleasant impressions and traits of her character. On the second plan, such weighty problems as her disrespect for your parents and friends, bitchiness and even treason can go away. At some point, it seems to us that this was the best relationship in our life, that it will never happen again, that this woman is our true love, and we are those who destroyed our relationship, even if she cheated on us with our best friend.

Man, I passed this two times in a row, then I grew up and became wiser. It seems to us that a new relationship can help us with this problem. This is bullshit. In this state, we rush into the hands of the first girl who comes across, who appears on a horizon. Personally, about a month I dated a colossal fool to forget my ex. If someone suddenly says that he dated a stupid girl, I laugh at myself: he hardly met such a degree of stupidity in his life.

why do I keep dreaming about my exDid it help? No, it did not help. During the "relationship" with the fool, I still remembered my ex and often called her. New relationships just for the sake of "forgetting" do not help: you begin to compare a new girlfriend with an ex-girlfriend, get angry with her, a new, innocent girl and yourself. And if the girl "to replace your ex" appears to be normal, you can also spoil the mood of a normal person.

Our communication with the ex is an attempt of consciousness to grasp the anchor of the comfort zone. Even if a couple of days ago you could name your relationship anything, but not comfortable. You should ignore these attempts. Renewal of relations with an ex-girlfriend almost always leads to failure.

Another common reason for communicating with the ex is an attempt to restore self-esteem. This happens in those cases when the girl decides to part with the guy. The feelings of one of the partners are badly hurt. If a person is used to the fact that encouragement from the side is the only source of positive self-esteem, he will experience torment. This means that the guy is emotionally dependent on his girlfriend and he needs to get rid of it as quickly as possible. If you still wonder “why do I keep dreaming about my ex”, you just need to work on yourself.

Why do I Miss My Ex

In the life of almost everyone, sooner or later there comes a breakup. Our life is arranged so that from time to time we have to part with something or someone. Sometimes we are overtaken by this suddenly, and sometimes naturally, when the relationship is already outliving itself.

But, as a rule, parting is always a painful process, especially if you have to part with a loved one and a close person. It's like getting into a deep pit full of sadness, pain, and disappointment. And sometimes at this moment, we do not even believe that someday you will find a way out of this "valley of tears". But no matter how it seemed to us that the whole world is collapsing, do not forget that all this is temporary. If you are still wondering “why do I keep dreaming about my ex”, know that this is completely normal and one day it will end. You are the one who can accelerate this process.

In psychology, parting is called the loss of relationships. In 1969, the American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced a system that became known as the "5 stages of loss", experienced after parting, before we get ready for a new relationship.

Stage of negation

This is a state of shock when the very fact of a breakup has not yet reached our mind. At this stage, we simply "do not believe" in the incident. The head seems to understand, but the feelings seem frozen. It seems like it should be sad and bad, but you don’t feel anything.

Stage of expression of feelings

After the initial awareness of what happened, we begin to get angry. This is a difficult phase in which pain and resentment and anger are mixed. Anger can be obvious and open and can hide somewhere inside under the mask of irritation or physical ailment. Anger can also be directed at a situation, another person or yourself. In the latter case, we are talking about an autoaggression, which is also called a sense of guilt. Try not to blame yourself!

Also very often an internal prohibition of aggression is included - in this case, the work of loss is inhibited. If we do not allow ourselves to be angry, then we "hang" at this stage and we cannot let go of the situation. If anger was not expressed, and the loss was not mourned, then you can get stuck at this stage and live your whole life in it. It is necessary to allow all feelings to come out and it is due to this that there is a relief, healing for your soul.

Perhaps the fact that you still think of why do I miss my ex so much is the reason for your unwillingness to "live" all emotions.

Stage of dialogue and bargaining

Here we are covered with a lot of thoughts about what and how it was possible to do differently. We come up with a variety of ways to deceive ourselves, to believe in the opportunity to regain lost relationships or to convince ourselves that not everything is lost. We seem to be on a swing. At this stage of loss, we are somewhere between the fear of the future and the inability to live by the past.

Stage of depression

The stage occurs when the psyche no longer denies what happened, and also comes the understanding that it is pointless to look for the guilty. The fact of parting, the loss of something valuable that was in these relations, was accomplished. Everything has already happened, nothing can be changed.

At this stage, we mourn the loss, we miss the things that were so important and necessary. And we do not know how to live further - we just exist. At this stage, you stop to think “why is my ex so mean to me”, you just feel the pain.

why am I obsessed with my exThe stage of adoption

Slowly we begin to get out of the quagmire of pain and sadness. We look around, we look for new meanings and ways to live. Of course, thoughts about the lost still visit you, but now we are already able to think about why and for what it's happened to us. We draw conclusions, learn to live independently and rejoice in something new. In life, there are new people, new events. The question “why am I obsessed with my ex” is no longer relevant to you.

Why Am I Still in Love with My Ex?

The fact is that we initially incorrectly set all the psychological attitudes. We divide everything around into "real" and "imaginary"; "physical" and "mental"; "concrete" and "abstract"; "material" and "spiritual" and similar nonsense. Criteria are invented by people, as well as the meaning of terms. Having emerged into the world, where every phenomenon has a precise definition, we have been stuck in a dead end of stereotypes since birth.

Thus, freedom is also something quite detached from the general awareness of freedom as a concept. Freedom is never limited to a physical criterion because a person in a prison cell may suffer less than one who is locked in the cage of his own obsessive thoughts.

These very obsessive thoughts have maximum power over us because apart from the world and not dividing it into the material, abstract, or any other aspects, we understand that everything is born exclusively in our heads. Only we decide how close to the heart we need to take this or that event of our life.

Until we realize this, we cannot stop loving an ex-partner. Subconsciously, we strive to correspond to our own ideal. However, it often happens that this ideal is imposed from the outside. Then it's even harder to get rid of it. But it is possible. All you need is patience and a desire to change your life.

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