How to Stop Being Shy: A Comprehensive Guide

Content:

1. The psychology of shyness: what it stems from
2. Why are people embarrassed to look into the eyes?
3. How to stop being shy around girls: useful tips
4. How to stop being shy during sex with a woman
5. Wrapping it up

Many good people have one common problem – they are shy. Such people, as a rule, don’t experience any problems when communicating with relatives, friends and just acquaintances of their gender, but in the presence of people they like, they begin to hesitate and can’t normally maintain the conversation. Such shyness often significantly spoils their lives. It is obvious that it is necessary to get rid of it because they can lose a lot of opportunities to make interesting acquaintances and even find soul mates. And if you are one of them and wonder how to stop being shy, then the information below will be useful for you.

The psychology of shyness: what it stems from

What is shyness? It is the uncertainty in one’s own social skills, accompanied by tension, stiffness, and excessive shyness. The problem of shyness can grow into social phobia – the fear of social contacts and their avoidance. Why are people shy? It should be remembered that shyness is rather acquired than an innate human emotion. At the very beginning, a child is not able to feel shame and shyness. But during the earliest childhood and until the adolescence, these emotions are painstakingly cultivated in the future member of society. Thus, it gradually forms a shy person, putting his or her interests below the interests of others.

Self-confidence

What causes people to be shy? Why do most people feel shy in their daily lives? The answer is quite simple: because of the feeling of self-doubt. This applies to any situation, from sports, club or acquaintance with new people, to a quite ordinary situation. Even at work, shyness is rarely a positive quality, as it often hinders the achievement of the intended results, besides, it can put a rather strong barrier between you and a team. As a result, there is nothing to do but to change the place of work, where everything may be repeated. It is also important to understand that confidence can’t appear in a couple of minutes, a day or even a week, but you can start working on yourself. It’s enough to win one step at your own shyness, and very soon you may notice that you become much more confident. Among us, there are people who don’t have such quality and they prove to the whole world what they don’t allow others to manipulate them. In short, shyness is a fear of failure and a desire to please. Don’t worry about what other people think of you because they don’t care about you as much as you may think.

Childhood problems

One of the reasons why people are shy is childhood problems. A child feels shy to approach peers because of the fear to be rejected. A perfectly normal situation can cause serious problems in the future if parents too often criticize a child and always emphasize that he or she is little and not particularly interesting to anyone.

Also, the sources of shyness can be covered in the model of the behavior of parents. If they were unsociable or for some reason neglected the need to socialize their children, then most likely in adulthood, they will face difficulties in communication. However, quite often shyness accompanies perfectionists and people with low self-esteem. They want to do everything as good as possible, but they are afraid of being misunderstood or completely rejected.

Why are people embarrassed to look into the eyes?

As you know, the eyes are the mirror of the soul. Perhaps shy people are afraid to keep eye contact with their interlocutor even if they don’t discuss important information and just talk about trifles exactly due to this reason. Hidden reflections and embarrassment are reflected in the eyes as in the mirror, which means they can become visible to the interlocutor. In addition, eye contact, especially long, is considered a sign of trust and sometimes liking. A shy person can’t afford to open his or her feelings and soul to another, especially to an outsider.

Why do people feel shy with people they love?

Why am I so shy? It is hard for any of us to endure the rejection of the person we like. We are trying to find the cause of the fiasco in ourselves and begin a long process of self-analysis. As a result, we can come to the conclusion that we are not attractive, not smart or not interesting, and sometimes all at once.

How to stop being shy around girls: useful tips

Shyness can manifest itself in various spheres of life. Although, such a person doesn’t always feel constrained in all situations. In reality, the internal “brake” of a shy person happens because he or she too often thinks about how others react to him or her and wants to avoid disapproval, ridicule, and condemnation.

There are a lot of men who feel some discomfort when dealing with the opposite sex. But despite all this, these guys are smart, interesting and cute. Still, they are very shy when talking to girls. So, how to stop being shy and quiet? At the very beginning, you should understand that a girl is not a queen and not a princess, she is not the president’s friend and not a creature from Jupiter, but the same person as you. She has many issues, she’s afraid to look stupid, like you! She is completely the same. So, don’t be afraid to say out something wrong. And you have nothing to fear. Either she likes you the way you are or doesn’t like you at all.

There’s nothing to lose here. Don’t forget that you have many qualities that women like. You will definitely benefit from our tips on not being shy:

1. Behave as easily as possible

If you don’t know what you can talk about, talk about her. Women love with their ears, especially when you talk about their successes and achievements. Show interest. If you are unable to say anything, then there is one technique: imagine that you are talking to a friend and behave like this. If you are discussing music with friends, for example, try to discuss it with her as well. At least, just try. If you don’t try, you probably will not succeed.

2. Communicate with other girls

For example, you can begin to communicate with waitresses, hairdressers, saleswomen and even a neighbor. A few words and you will feel much more confident in the women’s environment. The most important thing is to try to relax and get high from communication. Your new goal is to spend as much time with the girls as possible. Start going to places where girls usually go. Get out of the comfort zone. In addition, you will have a chance to better study women’s psychology, learn their habits, and way of thinking. All this is sure to come in handy when you decide to get acquainted with one.

3. Realize that there is no difference between you two

You need to understand that a girl is the same person as you. She can have the same fears, doubts, and complexes as you have. It’s just an apparently unapproachable beauty that seems so self-confident and ambitious. In fact, she is tormented by various thoughts. She feels the same way that strangers may think of her, what impression she makes on men, whether they consider her too frivolous or strange. Remember this, and you will make life easier. All the differences and barriers are only in your head. All you need is to get them out of there.

4. Underestimate the importance

One of the most important factors because of which you are afraid to communicate with girls. You unconsciously overestimate their importance, consider every beautiful girl better and more interesting than you, are afraid to come up and talk, and so on. You are afraid that you are not good enough, not smart enough, you don’t earn enough. Let’s say you get to know a girl who is not too pretty and it's surprisingly easy to communicate with her. Do you know why? Because you don’t make a cult out of her appearance and her importance to you is a priori understated.

5. Find a girlfriend

A girlfriend will help overcome all fears and doubts. I’m not talking about a girl you can seduce and count on relationships or sex. I’m talking about a real friend with whom you can share your thoughts, whose advice you can ask, and who may tell you a little more about women. And, perhaps, you will understand them better. Among other things, you will practice communication with the opposite sex.

6. Find an example to follow

It should be a person who is not afraid and doesn’t hesitate to communicate with girls, who knows when and what to say, and how to impress. In those moments when you will observe his behavior, many things will become clearer. Something you learn, something you take note of. You know that our environment affects us very much.

7. Don’t stay at home

Get off the couch. You must always be somewhere, attend lectures, events, hang out with friends, walk, and learn something new. Only in this case, you will be able to overcome your complexes and fears. Try to communicate as often as possible. Ask the way, time, anything. Practice will help you overcome the fear of communication.

8. Find a girl on the Internet

You want to get rid of your shyness, but you don’t know how? Start small. Find a girl on the Internet and practice your communication skills with her. The perk of this communication is that you can think over each phrase. A girl will not see your face or your reaction and notice your excitement. And this means that your shyness may be unnoticeable. But don’t delay this communication for too long. Once you realized that you have conquered your fears, feel free to ask her out on a date and perfect your skills in real life.

9. Push your way out of the comfort zone

A comfort zone is an internal state of tranquility when nothing causes a feeling of inconvenience and constraint. If you never get out of the comfort zone, you do not develop yourself. To feel relaxed while getting acquainted with girls, you need to push your way out of the comfort zone as often as possible and overcome your fears. At first, it will be difficult, but over time, the acquired skills will work for you automatically, and you will have no time to think about your shyness.

You should expand your comfort zone gradually – step by step. To begin with, you need to make a list of tasks. It is better to start with a task that you can perform here and now and which does not cause insuperable fear. Each next task should be more difficult than the previous one. A sample task list might look like this:

1. Ask a girl how to get to the desired place (a museum, theater, train station, street, etc.). Do not forget to smile. Keep a girl's attention for 5 minutes.
2. Make a girl smile.
3. Attend a girl to the metro, to the bus stop, to the place where she needs to get.
4. Get the phone number of a lady.
5. Ask a girl to go out on a date with you.

How to stop being shy during sex with a woman

1. Don’t be trivial

The best lover should be ready for the experiments because a woman always looks for new sensations. Classic games and movements can cause a search for a new lover.

2. Don’t think about your shortcomings

In short: relax and forget that you are not perfect. After all, if she burns with passion, she doesn’t care whether you have abs. And don’t let the complexes drive you into a corner. Because of this, some shy gentlemen refuse sex during the daytime, preferring the darkness.

3. Be always different

For example, sometimes confident and bold, and sometimes gentle and vulnerable. Let there always remain some mystery in you. After all, if you lose your mystery, a woman will quickly switch to someone more interesting.

4. Don’t be depressed

If you are honest, cheerful and kind, then a woman will like and want you. And then you will do what you both like. Just don’t be shy to tell and do what you want.

Wrapping it up

We often envy people who are not able to feel shy in any situation. On the other hand, they seem vulgar and excessively pacified. But at the same time, it can be very interesting with them, they always achieve their goals, and so on. So, be one of such people. Try to take advantage of these simple tips, don’t criticize others and yourself. Thus you can stop being shy in many important situations for you.