05.10.2018

Answering the question, “What is ghosting?” it is necessary to clarify the following moment. Have you ever faced a situation when a partner disappears without saying a word? It happens as if there were no seven months of dates, hundreds of cups of coffee and a joint review of the new season of the "Game of Thrones" as well as plans for the next ten years. And you, like a few hundred thousand people, wonder what went wrong and when.

How to Respond to Ghosting: a Guide for Men

Breakups are the same part of life as the meetings. Some people come into your life for a couple of weeks, others stay for several months, and there are those who stick around for years. In any case, if the breakup occurs, then this is a kind of logical end to the relationship, which is preceded by long conversations, or at least, a single talk. However, what can you say about the beloved partner who has left you without saying goodbye? Have you faced an example of a ghosting relationship?

What does ghosting mean?

Any relationship is filled with eternal questions without answers. It's great if everything is okay, and both partners appreciate each other, have common goals and try to achieve them together. However, often, it happens that the picture is not so perfect. A breakup can happen for understandable reasons, but sometimes, people leave silently, without quarrels and hysterics. They do not work things out, ask for proof of love, demand changes or wait for excuses. They just leave. Silently and forever. Yesterday, your partner laughed, planned a vacation and kissed your forehead. Yesterday, they needed attention and made you the best chamomile tea. When they left, they did not give you an answer to the wordless question. You will suffer for more than one month, trying to understand, "Why did they leave? Why didn't they give an opportunity to explain yourself? " The reasons may be different, but they are always painful. S

o, what does ghosting someone mean? It’s about doing an Irish goodbye. A person leaves a partner without explaining anything, and they do not give any external signs of their true intentions. A partner behaves, as usual, they are cheerful (or gloomy and depressed), they have breakfast, kiss goodbye, leave for work in the morning, promising to call this afternoon, and disappear. That is, they do that without words of farewell.

After a while, which depends on the strength of the nervous system, temperament, and upbringing, you start looking for a loved one and find out that they are alive and feel great, but they don’t call you, write or explain anything.

What is ghosting in a relationship?

If your partner suddenly breaks off your relationship, without explaining anything, and without even informing you of their decision, it's a bad thing. People are used to talking in the world of civilized relationships. “Talking" is not another word for the expression "to blow one’s mind." Talking and discussing your attitudes, values, desires, and needs, you just preserve nerves. Besides, at the same time, you avoid a lot of unnecessary experiences and problems, which are born out of misunderstanding and the absence of this very "heart-to-heart talk." What are the root causes of ghosting in a relationship?

1. You are a ready way out of trouble.

Most likely, you were the second choice all this time. This is quite a common version of the relationship both among men and women. It's about pie in the sky and a familiar harbor. Some people think that it's quite stupid to destroy everything, trying to start a new relationship without seeking an assurance that everything will work out.

They think and do the same, dating two people at once, one of which is a "dainty morsel", and the second one is a ready way out of trouble. If it doesn’t work out with the first one, there is always a place to go to. Well, if everything works out, then a “partner” leaves, as a rule, without saying goodbye. What can they tell you? “John/Teresa has finally got a divorce, and we can be together, so that's why I break up with you.”

2. They don’t want to burn their bridges.

Sometimes, people leave without explanation because they cannot really understand anything themselves, but they do not want to burn all the bridges. Until the sacramental words were uttered, "We should break up. Farewell." you can always come back and pretend as if nothing has happened or come up with a plausible excuse. Sometimes, they leave without saying goodbye to take time to think, in order to clear their head and sort through their feelings towards the partner. After all, as you know, "A face is blurred seen eye to eye, contours emerge only at a distance," and quite often, it is necessary to break up to understand finally whether you love this person or not.

3. It’s just about sex.

You met three times a week within six months. You had crazy sex, morning coffee, and a goodbye kiss until the next meeting. You made plans for the joint future when your partner disappeared. You thought you were getting serious, but you met just to have sex. To distinguish such different concepts as "just sex" and "love of your life," you need to take a closer look at your partner.

If you don’t have areas of common interest except for sex, you are not familiar with their friends and relatives, and you do not actually know where they live and work, then it’s not about love. So, when a person is ghosting someone, there can be two options: they might have fallen in love, but not with a victim, or they have found another sexual partner.

4. They have nothing to say.

You had a love affair, which was crazy, bright, and stunning. You were in love, which was strong, mutual and all-consuming. However, something went wrong, you began to quarrel and ceased to understand each other. Your meetings increasingly began to resemble the battlefield, where mutual reproaches and resentments flowed like water, and one of you sincerely tried to reach out to the partner. You had been living in tears and cigarette smoke for a while longer until there was silence. This silence was so deafening that it became absolutely clear that you were done. You had nothing more to say to each other, and therefore, the partner left without a word. The same happens when a person starts ghosting a friend, they just think that there is no need to kick the can down the road if something important has been lost between them.

5. They have nonverbal behavior.

If a person has nonverbal behavior, then they find it difficult to explain anything, that’s why they prefer "just to leave." Usually, many interesting things can be hidden under such "non-verbality,” starting with a bad upbringing to mental disorder. Most often, the distinctive features of people who leave their partners without any explanation, are a desire to manipulate a partner, emotional coldness, infantilism, and, finally, banal cowardice.

Emotionally cold, inaccessible man who is ghosting a girl, may not realize what pain he causes to the woman by his actions. Most likely, such people don’t understand their partner’s feelings, being in a relationship, and they don’t care about them after the breakup. Even if the leavee catches up, ties up and talks to the escapee, it is unlikely that they will be able to get the emotional reaction that they so lack. Most likely, the escapee will turn off the phone and stop responding to messages.

Ghosting after a long relationship: how to cope.

Most often, people face online dating ghosting since the Internet creates an illusion of a huge choice, and it seems to many people that there is always a chance to find someone better. So, what is ghosting in dating? It’s about a situation, when a person opens a dating app and starts swiping right, forgetting about the person they have communicated with forever. This also gives you the answer to the question, “What is ghosting in texting?”

However, unfortunately, sometimes it happens to people in long-term relationships. They don’t know how to deal with ghosting as well as to move further. The following tips are just for such an occasion.

1. Get rid of all reminders of your past relationship.

Of course, this is not the easiest task, but it is vitally important for you to take this first step. If you do not run into these things, then you will not think about them. All the reminders are taboo, get rid of them as soon as possible.

2. Do not block your emotions.

A breakup always causes a lot of different emotions, especially if you have faced ghosting. It is very important to allow yourself to feel and recognize these emotions and thoughts instead of trying to protect yourself from them. It will hurt, but you will move on.

3. Do not inform social media about your breakup. Numerous posts about breakup will not make you feel better. You will probably regret them over time. Ignore your desire to pour out your feelings on the Internet. You don’t want to look like a victim for everyone, do you?

4. Blacklist the phone number of the ex-partner.

This person left you without saying goodbye, so you shouldn’t give them a chance to call you accidentally and reopen your wounds. If you are sure that you have been ghosted, then delete and blacklist this person in every possible way.

5. Go in for sports.

Physical exercises increase the level of endorphins, and they, as you know, make you happy. After a breakup, sports should become your best friend.

6. Eat more bananas and dark chocolate.

Doing sports is not the only way to increase the level of endorphins and feel happy. Bananas and dark chocolate help cheer up, so do not deny yourself of useful sweets. You deserve it.

7. Spend more time with friends.

Daily walks with friends in the fresh air are great for health and your mood. They will definitely help clear your head and feel less lonely.

How to respond to ghosting?

The most important rule is to keep your dignity. Don’t try to find the person, beg them or write long letters that justify your existence, do not humiliate yourself in any way. Allow yourself to accept the fact that this person is no longer with you. Remind yourself that this has happened to many other people before you and will happen to many others after. You deserve someone who wants to be next to you. Besides, bear in mind the following things when you think about how to respond to ghosting.

  • Do not be impulsive.

The shock of a sudden breakup can make you act thoughtlessly. Being alone with your feelings can be so intolerable that you can begin to behave irrationally. You can start drinking too much or looking for one-night stands. Take time to realize what has happened to you. If you do not succumb to the first rash impulses, you will recover faster and move on.

  • Reject the person who has ghosted you.

How to respond to ghosting? Ghosted people try to prove that they deserve to be loved. They can try to improve the image, lose weight, or change themselves completely. However, you should find the strength to forget this person to respond to ghosting.

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