03.07.2019

The Root Causes of Miscommunication in Relationships

We are all unique in our own way. Each of us has our own opinion on many things, our own convictions, so everyone has their own world view and attitude to difficulties and their resolution. Often, this leads to all sorts of disagreements and quarrels between people. What are the causes of miscommunication between two loving individuals?

It is necessary to remember how relationships are established between men and women. At first, they notice each other, strike a conversation, exchange several phrases and compliments and understand that the other person is just a stranger that will soon evaporate from their memory or will stay there forever by becoming an integral part of their life. In further communication, common interests are revealed. People exchange gifts and, in general, are very much euphoric about their significant others.

types of miscommunication

At first glance, it may seem that nothing in this world will be able to change this state of their relationship, and, for a short time, nothing will. They realize that they’ve spent a lot of time dating and getting to know each other, they get engaged and then start living a common life. It is great, they feel alive and loved. A woman gives birth to a baby and both of them are euphoric once again, they do their best to raise that baby in the best possible conditions. But then, however, a clear and beautiful sky of their relationships is struck by lightning. A storm begins, and everything gets flipped on its head, why is that?

To give an answer to this problem, one should realize where problems arise. First off, each of us has our ideals, our own opinion on the world around us, and we can’t truly escape our own personal perception of it. And this is the biggest problem of them all, this is the reason why our partners seem to constantly fall short of our expectations. We want certain things from life but living with another person is quite a different beast altogether, and we find it hard to change our priorities and goals. It is necessary to accept your partner the way they are because you have chosen them this way. You’ve decided to attach your life to someone else.

The reason why two individuals don’t run away scared from the get-go is that they are blinded by love. It hides all the inconsistencies and imperfections of a relationship. Then comes the birth of a baby, which helps keep partners together. But this is yet another catalyst for misunderstandings and disagreements for a couple. Just imagine how many important opinions should be aligned in order for things to work out, and we are talking about two completely different individuals here, different backgrounds and upbringing.

Let’s now look into some examples of miscommunication in everyday life.

Examples of Miscommunication

What is miscommunication? Well, let’s look into some of the most common examples of miscommunication in relationships.

miscommunication in relationshipsFinancial issues

Financial issues are one of the most widespread types of miscommunication in family relationships. This is the reason why they are a catalyst of all sorts of miscommunication and disagreements in a couple. This is a cultural approach to male-female miscommunication, men should earn money and women should spend them, the notion itself is quite a problematic one. The one who earns believes that their partner is spending too much money on useless crap, often acquiring unnecessary things. And the other partner is confident in the rationality of their spending, believing that the first partner should earn more than they do. Such claims lead to inevitable scandals.

Difference of opinions

The reluctance to accept the point of view of a partner and treat them and their opinion respectfully leads to one person getting offended. Everyone is trying to drag their partner onto their part of the field (which is a topic of disagreement) and is even ready to forget about the rationality altogether. The essence of conflict lies in the fact that the debaters are well aware of the point of view of each other but are categorically not ready to accept it. And while conflicts are never truly perceived in a positive light, we still spend a lot of time and energy arguing with people, trying to prove our point of view to achieve a sense of victory. To say that it’s dumb will be quite easy, but this is just the nature of humans.

Household issues

There are many possible types of miscommunication and disagreements that can appear out of nowhere, just because of some household issues. They occur in all families, regardless of their financial status, social status, and cultural level. There are many variations here. A man always seems to leave socks around the house, his woman always forgets to put the toothpaste back in its place, etc.

Lack of support

When we share something sacred and important to us with our partners and people we love – we expect a sense of understanding, and we want to be accepted. When talking about a recent disagreement that you’ve had with your boss, you expect your partner to take your side. If a partner shows indifference or begins to criticize you, how can you not be upset? The issue is that even if you are wrong, criticism from your partner will probably not do you any good, this is just the nature of things.

The issue of choice and decision-making

This is one of the most important types of gender miscommunication. Where to go on vacation? What to buy first: a waffle iron or a drill? To make repairs in the kitchen or to buy a new TV for the living room? The inability to find a compromise solution leads not only to quarrels but also to protracted multi-day disagreements. At the same time, the issues remain unresolved, and this doesn’t really mean that an issue will be solved because it has been laid aside for a few days.

Relations with relatives

We cannot choose our own parents; this is something that we often remind ourselves of when they become annoying. When it is not your relatives who are annoying, but the parents of your partner, it is very difficult to find the right words to fight with them so as not to ruin your relationship. In such situations, we are diplomatically silent, but then we will pour out all of the frustration and anger onto our partners.

Intimate relationships

Discrepancies in sexual desires can cause serious damage to relationships. The situational and unsystematic sexual desire of two individuals can lead to a lot of troubles down the line. This situation annoys everyone. The difference in the level of libido of two partners is often the reason why they are not satisfied with each other and commit infidelity. Now that we know some of the most widespread miscommunication examples, how to avoid miscommunication?

How to Avoid Miscommunication in a Relationship

Let’s say that you are sick of having miscommunication in relationships, and you want to fundamentally change something in your relationships and approach to them to eliminate miscommunication as a whole, what should be done?

Imagine the following situation. You want to share the difficulties in your life with your romantic partner. For example, your parents recently divorced, and you still feel psychological pain for that reason. You want to share your feelings with a partner to get sympathy and comfort, but instead of receiving love, care and comfort, you receive coldness and alienation. causes of miscommunicationFor example, your partner may decide to just throw out a few meaningless phrases like, “Don't worry, everything will be fine” or “Relax, nothing terrible has happened.”

In response to such phrases, most people instantly get insulted because they perceive such remarks as evidence that a partner does not value their relationship at all, and they are not interested in the difficulties that their partner is going through. It seems like they want to share only the best of moments, and not the problems that come with joint life.

But this, in most cases, is a great exaggeration. Most likely, your partner simply does not understand that in those moments when you tell them about your problems, you just want to receive solace and care to ease your emotional state. Instead, they respond to your words with dismissal because they might have the impression that you are trying to hang your problems on them, drop an emotional burden on them. And since their behavior instantly makes you hurt, you start attacking them, accusing them of indifference. In turn, your reaction seems to be weird and aggressive, and the conflict develops into a quarrel based on the mutual offense.

Note that the altercation in this situation is, in fact, based on illusions, both from your side and from your partner. You want your partner to just be caring and understand that you are going through some rough times, and your partner can’t really understand your situation and doesn’t understand why you are so aggressive because of that.

To avoid confusion in a relationship in the future, you need to be more conscious in your communication with your partner. If a partner does not provide you with support and sympathy and does not help you in moments of grief, think about whether you have given them a clear understanding of what you want from them. After all, they may think that you just want to dump your problems on them. For your part, this may seem ridiculous, but if you won’t be clear about your problems, you, thereby, increase the risk of misunderstanding and misinterpretation of your words. Also, this is why texting miscommunication is so common, not only it is unlikely that you won’t get the answers you want, but texting is not a way to get the support a person needs from their partner, so don’t discuss important issues via text.

Therefore, next time, if you want to complain to your partner about your current life problems and negative emotional states, be sure to let them know that you want to receive comfort and support from them, and you are not going to hang your troubles on their shoulders. If it seems to you that this is stupid, and that a partner should understand things like that without any additional explanation, remember that mutual understanding in relationships is not created by itself - both you and your partner should strive to ensure that you always understand each other – both in happiness and in grief, regardless of a life situation. And if you see that this requires verbalizing your feelings and experiences, do it, it’s not that hard after all.

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