27.04.2018

Trust in a relationship is mutual confidence in each other. A sign of trust between partners is frankness, the desire to share intimate and personal information. Trust is the basis of love. And what is love? Love is the shortening of the distance between two loving people. Love is when the pronoun “I” is replaced by “we” and you are ready to share everything that you have. Opening our world to another person, we risk very much. How can you deal with someone you can’t trust? Often we hear from friends or even a psychologist that a relationship with a woman must necessarily be built on trust and it is difficult to disagree with this. Trust is a feeling of complete tranquility and the absence of any doubt. Trust knows no doubt because where doubt begins, trust dies. So, how to deal with trust issues?

overcoming trust issues

Why do I have trust issues?

According to trust issues psychology, at the very beginning of a relationship, as a rule, there are no problems with trust. After all, initially, by letting someone in our world and entering into a relationship, we give this person some credibility. By the way, perhaps that’s why it becomes increasingly difficult to fall in love with age: we have accumulated some experience of relationships and often we don’t easily let new people come to us (although there are exceptions, of course!). Sometimes this unwillingness to trust and, as a consequence, to let someone into your life becomes the true cause of loneliness. But anyway, trust that is established during the period of falling in love is not eternal. Over time, as relationships lose their romance, we begin seriously studying a partner and find out how much she or he is trustworthy.

After all, during the dating period, both man and woman behave a little differently and try to seem better than they really are. When it ends, we again become ourselves and it determines our perception of a relationship. In many cases, we become distrustful. And if there is no trust in a relationship, it is bad for both partners.

There are the reasons for trust issues in a relationship:

  • Cheating. You can forgive her, but it’s difficult to forget. Pain and suspicions return with every incomprehensible red flag.
  • Deception. When a lie becomes obvious, it worries a loving partner. Why deceive if any problem can be solved together.
  • Unfulfilled promises. For example, a woman says that she is ready to do everything but is only concerned with her own affairs. Verbal romance with real indifference undermines the basics of spiritual intimacy. A healthy relationship can’t be built on the illusion of love.
  • Broken dreams. Sometimes we don’t fall in love with a person but with an image created by ourselves. And when this “perfect” girl suddenly ceases to match the invented role, there arises a feeling of betrayal.

Signs of trust issues

Many people suffer from jealousy and distrust towards their partners. Often in a relationship, you can see a hidden mistrust of a partner, an imaginary sense of inferiority and even a hidden aggression towards a partner. Jealousy and mistrust are unequal concepts, but they are quite close. This mistrust leads to the creation of trust issues in a relationship:

relationships trust issuesYou predict how a partner will betray you. If you are in a relationship with someone who has deceived you, then the lack of trust in this person is an adequate reaction. However, many of us have problems with trust in people who have not shown any signs of mistrust. Nevertheless, we expect deception. Why? Problems with trust from past experience are translated to the alleged future relationship, infecting it.

You trust people who, for objective reasons, shouldn’t be trusted. It’s not logical, but it happens all the time. When you have problems with trust, you can often trust those who, most likely, use you. Problems with trust at this point become an emotional prediction, which involuntarily confirms how people are unreliable.

You don’t show emotional self-feedback. Problems with trust dictate to live in a world of expected losses. Your relationship is not felt as strong and reliable. At some level, you believe that cheating is inevitable. This makes emotional fixation difficult. You don’t want to get attached to a girl because you already “know” that you will lose her.

You can’t tolerate mistakes of your partner. We all know that people are imperfect. But when you have problems with trust, you are not able to tolerate the imperfection of your woman if you see her mistakes.

You feel alone and isolated. When you can’t trust a partner to share your true identity, no one will know and understand your true personality. Being not known to others, you will feel lonely and possibly not accepted.

You feel desparate being in a relationship. All this can lead to depression and despair. It is impossible to be socially adapted not trusting others to some extent. Dating someone with trust issues, it is difficult to trust others. You can feel trapped in a world where you don’t feel belonging to it.

How to fix trust issues in a relationship

If you two don’t know how to be frank and suspect each other in minor and major sins, the feeling of inner loneliness inevitably will appear. It should be mutual desire to get rid of the psychological distance. The first rule: you will reap what you sow. So, if you want to be trusted, start trusting yourself. Also, here are 11 more rules to destroy the wall of doubts and understatement that has arisen between you. So, how to get over trust issues?

1. Be open to talk about your feelings. Not only about love or admiration but about everything. Including what you feel when she says stupid things at a visit to your grandmother. It is necessary to speak calmly, confidently (“yes, I am very angry right now”), and without hysterics.

2. Learn to give in. Or, conversely, does a woman have a habit of interrupting you? Don’t try to teach her. Try to write her letters. You can start with the words: “Dear, before you react to this letter, read it completely.” It helps. In addition, notes and postcards are an obvious sign of attention. And trust loves attention!

3. Explain your actions. For example, you and your ex-girlfriend spend the last day talking on the phone for a long time. The situation is transparent for you: you managed to stay friends, and now your ex has problems with another man and she craves for the men’s advice. But this is not obvious for your woman. It is better to clarify the situation, but it is absolutely unnecessary to go into details.

4. Don’t elicit info about her past. By doing this, you force a woman to defend herself and lie. To get to know her better, ask those questions about her life, which she herself is interested in answering – about childhood, tastes, goals, desires, and so on. This is also a kind of test for the trust for yourself: if you force yourself to get to know something about a girl, then is your interest in a person so great? Listen to the answers, refraining from evaluating “good” and “bad” because too categorical judgments force people to close.

5. Think twice before starting a scandal. “Why?" and “For what purpose?” are two different questions and, before making a scandal, ask question number two. For what purpose are you going to do this? What, in your opinion, will turn out from this?

6. Be interested in her plans. Did she talk about any expectations associated with both of you? This doesn’t mean at all that you are obliged to make a wedding now. Just take her thoughts into consideration and tell her about your plans. And don’t insist on an instant reaction when talking about your intentions about the two of you.

7. Don’t change a partner. This rule is quite important. The more and harder you try to put pressure on your woman, the more she resists and the confidence level automatically decreases. If you think that control is necessary, then act gradually. But in general, it’s worth asking yourself: if you can’t relax in these relationships, why do you need them? This is how to fix trust issues from the very beginning of a relationship.

8. Think how you spend time together. Perhaps, there is already trust between you? A simple indicator: everything that you do together is by the goodwill of everyone. Clarify the next time is it true that your girlfriend wants to go to the concert of your favorite punk rockers or does she want just make you feel good?

9. Talk about sex. Experts have not yet calculated the formula linking its quantity (and quality) and the level of trust. But the discussion of your intimate life clearly improves it.

dating someone with trust issues10. Always talk about what you don’t like about each other’s behavior. (see item 1). But never allow yourself this in the presence of other people. There shouldn’t be quarrels, screaming or discussing too personal questions when you are not alone. Extremely scenic scenes are good only in movies.

11. Don’t forget about warm words, compliments, and touches. All this is extremely important. Psychologists have noticed: the more touching is out of bed, the higher the level of trust. Conversely, the growing distance appears because of the reducing number of hugs and touches. Generally, it is considered that you should hug at least 8 times a day. We add: minimum!

How to help someone with trust issues

Here are some tips that you can advise someone who doesn’t know how to deal with trust issues and insecurities:

Each partner needs to have a deeper and selfless desire to maintain a relationship. This is important since you need to make many attempts and compromises when building trust. If one of you thinks that nothing will save your relationship, then there is not the slightest hope that it will be restored.

If you are the partner who is betrayed and your problem is to trust your partner again, then the first thing you have to do is to wait for the moment. Overcoming trust issues, listen to what your partner says and decide whether you want to forgive. Then create real conditions for what your partner should do in order to achieve trust in a relationship.

If you are the one who created the problem, then the most difficult for you will be to prove to yourself that you are worthy of trust. So, what to do when you have trust issues? The first thing you should do is, of course, to apologize, admit your mistakes, and say the magic words “I’m ready to do anything.” Stay true to your word. Be honest whatever it costs you.

Each of you must make compromises. If you’re guilty because of something, then be grateful when your partner says what you have to do to get his or her trust back. Appreciate what he or she wants to tell you, what you need to do, instead of playing on partner’s nerves. If one or two of conditions seem impossible to you, then make a compromise.

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