How Not to Be Socially Awkward on a Date

Content:

1. Too Awkward to Date: Why It Happens
2. Is Social Awkwardness Normal?
3. How to Fight Awkwardness in You?
4. How to Avoid Awkward Silence on a Date?
5. Awkward First Date Questions

Feeling awkward is what prevents you from living life to the fullest. It creates a wall between you and the whole world as you cannot communicate with people the way you would want to. Many seemingly successful people turn out to be the shyest. And starting a conversation or speaking fluently on a date with an unfamiliar person equals a panic attack. How to stop being awkward and free your mind from insecurities?

Girls love self-confident guys as well as it is easier for men to communicate with sociable and open girls. So, this is a quality that needs to be developed. Consequently, today we are going to shed light on how to avoid awkward silence on a date or awkward questions as well as what to do to stop being so shy.

Too Awkward to Date: Why It Happens

Your upbringing

Since childhood, you were told not to stand out and be the same as others in everything. They taught you that you couldn’t get everything you wanted because it was too expensive or not for you. And it takes a lot of work to get over these misconceptions. Of course, our parents wanted only the best for us. Every parent would dream that their child is confident and smart. However, nobody exactly tells us how to be cool and confident. You grow up and still do not know how to be number one in life. As a result, you can only be like everyone else.

They also told you that girls are weaker. They cannot be offended, and a man should do everything to make the girl happy. But those who were led by stereotypes ended up not doing what they want but acting according to some imaginary rules or old-fashioned norms of propriety. So, in the long run, those who treated girls like an object to conquer are now in a friend-zone and still, you feel shy to reach out to them again. So, one of the first reasons your every meeting is a terribly awkward date can be that you simply were taught the wrong way. How to stop this? Forget everything that you were told and start from scratch listening to yourself.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is a very fragile thing. It can be devastated in a matter of a moment. Suppose you got blown off by a person you really liked. And that's all. You no longer believe in your own attractiveness. You start digging into yourself, look for reasons why no one likes you. You feel like a notorious loser who is not interesting to anyone.

It must be remembered that an unsuccessful teenager's love or a few awkward date stories are not a sentence. The more you try, the better. And every failure makes you stronger.

As soon as you realize this, your life will immediately become much easier. Do not do tragedy and do not fall into depression at the slightest failure. Believe in yourself!

Fear

Another reason you might be shy is the fear of being wrong or doing something wrong. You think that you will look ridiculous in the eyes of a person you like, you are afraid of dishonor him/her or saying something stupid. You don't want your date to think you are strange. There are many such reasons for fear. And it will be better for you if you immediately identify them and start working on getting rid of the fear. Even if 10% of your fears come true, nothing terrible will happen, no one will die, life will not stop, and one more awkward first date is not the end of the world.

Perfectionism

For any person, the desire to be the best is absolutely normal. But it is precisely this approach to life that very often drives us into a trap. Nothing bad will happen if one day you are not better than someone. Do not take it as a tragedy. Everyone makes mistakes, love or a first date are not an exam.

Is Social Awkwardness Normal?

There are various interpretations of this concept - such as fear of communication, shyness, and more serious - sociophobia. Constraint or social awkwardness is fear, and fear can be eliminated only by fighting fire with fire. Being socially awkward is a fear that interferes with being oneself, inability to withstand social pressure. This is a constant inner concern: “What will they think of me?” However, it is always worth remembering that "you cannot be perfect for all" and "you will not please everyone." 

It is absolutely normal to be as special as you are because there are no two identical people. In general, any fear is a useful thing, because it helps to save a life. It is also called the instinct of self-preservation. When you are on a high surface - on a mountain or on a tall building, there is a fear of falling, and you try to leave as soon as possible. Or when you slip on the road and fall, you automatically put your hands forward to eliminate the fall. This is how the self-preservation instinct works - a situation arises that can harm, and fear immediately tries to help avoid this situation. 

Being socially awkward arises when a new, unknown, untested situation arises with an unpredictable outcome or a situation that is clearly dangerous for your reputation. For example, the fear of talking to the opposite sex arises because the situation is non-standard - you never know what will happen next. What will others think? What if I look bad? This applies to any social situation. But if you do nothing with this, then the constraint will never pass. You should keep dealing with the situation that scares you and then the fear will disappear. It will become clear that there is no danger. Then the embarrassment will go away. After all, communication with friends is easy and carefree. It must always be remembered that familiar people were also once strangers to us.

How to Fight Awkwardness in You?

In this section, we are going to talk about how to not be socially awkward on the examples of certain problems that occur in our views towards relationships and give you advice on what you should work on.

We get what we think about

It is no secret that those around us give us back what we really think about ourselves. Even if we are afraid to admit it. And the way we judge the actions of other people can tell a lot about ourselves. Therefore, if you scroll through the profiles on the dating site thinking, "So, this one is good, they have a good position and seem so nice, but why do they still single? What's wrong with them?" Look at this situation from the other side. After all, it is fair to ask yourself the same question, «"If I am so successful and perfect, but still use dating sites because I’m single and lonely, does this mean that something is wrong with me? Does it mean that I am not attractive enough to find a partner in the “traditional” way, offline? When will somebody take the initiative?"

When we depreciate people, even mentally, for some reason immediately on the first date, in fact, we depreciate ourselves at a subconscious level. We are convinced that some of their flaws or imperfections make them worse and do not want to continue communication. But everyone has strong and weak sides. We are looking for those imperfections and, of course, we find them, confirming our theory. This is how the focus of our attention works, we always find confirmation of what we think.

Imagine that you go to the store in the firm belief that you will not find a suitable thing for yourself. Everything that hangs there is outdated, of poor quality and does not look good at you. Does it make sense, in this case, to go to the store? Would you waste your time on this useless exercise? Then why do we do the same with relationships and attend another awkward dinner date?

They are all the same

When we think that only maniacs live in the world of dating, who need only one thing from us, then, most likely, our deepest conviction about ourselves is something like, "I cannot give the partner anything valuable except sex." What to do and how to be less awkward then? How not to become so desperate after a small awkward Tinder date? Change your attitude towards yourself. Start to appreciate yourself, and the relationship with the opposite sex will change automatically. It is important to work on your self-esteem, regard your beliefs towards what you can give a person in a relationship. Of course, sex is very important, and there will be no relationship without it. But there is still energy, good mood and deep faith in any person. Each of us is a bottomless treasure trove of gifts and values, your soul can work wonders for another person. But until you begin to see them, no one will truly appreciate you. Only you can know your real value. Who will help? A psychologist or a coach who will support you in restoring self-esteem and teach you how to accept and love yourself.

Change the focus

If you go on dates with the aim to increase your ego, to raise your self-esteem, then you initially put yourself in terms of depending on the opinions of others. If the reaction of another person is so important to you, you lose anyway. Because the result does not depend on you directly, this is an unpredictable process. You can know all the awkward questions to ask a girl and avoid them but still, get rejected. In fact, do you not think that you are able to influence the feelings and sympathies of other people? We are not a McDonald's burger or a hundred dollar bill for everyone to like us.

Therefore, since you cannot influence people's feelings, focus on what you are able to control. Namely, on your own feelings and emotions. Rejoice, grieve, disappoint or have a good mood, these emotions are 100% your choice. If you think that other people control your mood and emotions, events in the country and traffic jams on the streets, you are living in an illusion. Only you choose how to respond to what is happening to you and how to not be awkward.

How to Avoid Awkward Silence on a Date?

Everybody at least once got stuck in the situation when you talk to a person, the conversation goes well, but suddenly there is an awkward silence. You understand that your head is empty, and there is not a single thought that would help fill the gap in the conversation. You notice how your partner begins to wander awkwardly, trying not to look at you. Such pauses are really undesirable. Fortunately, we have a couple of tips on how to not be awkward on a date.

1. Talk about what you see around. You can start a sentence with the following phrase, “You know, it reminds me ...”
2. When asking questions, keep them open. This means that the correct answer to your question cannot consist of one word, and it implies a minimum of two or three sentences. Such "correct" questions are easy to build with the word "why."
3. Ask the other person to tell in more detail about what has already happened. Talking with one person, you can always ask a person to tell about themselves. Usually, people are eager to talk about themselves, which will allow you to find the thread of conversation and talk in a pleasant way for you and your interlocutor.
4. Give an interlocutor a compliment. Elements of "cold reading" can be used whenever there are awkward pauses in a conversation. If a woman smiles a lot, then you can tell her she has a beautiful smile.
5. Swap roles with your partner. Dialogue is a product of the interaction of several people, so you should not only speak out for yourself but also let the interlocutor do it. Get sincerely interested in the opinion of another person, listen to their speech, catch their position and then the conversation will be rich and comfortable.

Now you have 5 working tricks that will help minimize the presence of awkward pauses in your conversations. Use them, develop and improve these tools, then your conversations will become richer and more interesting, and you will turn into a more skillful and nice interlocutor.

Awkward First Date Questions

Did you know that many women make a decision who they would like to meet again with and who they would like to give a farewell goodbye within the first 30 seconds? The first question is the especially important point when it comes to how quickly a person makes a decision. That is why the first impression matters so much. So, our first lesson on how to not be awkward on a first date is, "Do not ask awkward questions."

The so-called "closed" questions can be considered really awkward. They require just "yes" or "no" answers and actually represent the end of the dialogue. They are considered very unsuccessful. The same thing happens with the questions concerning orientation, religion, sex experience, money or family, so they should never be asked on the first date!

Final statements such as "My best friend is a helicopter pilot" are also the worst. These ones are very difficult to answer, not to mention finding an interesting way to continue the conversation.

On the contrary, the best questions are those that just cannot be answered by one word, for example, "What pizza topping do you like most?" or "What would you do if you were a celebrity?"